Reading Codes with a Cold

Wow. How did time just zip by like that since my last post? I've been out in the icy colds of the north and under the dentist's drill, and lived to tell the tales!

A ninty-degree temperature difference is quite the experience-- such it was between our chalet and the nose-hair freezing outdoors in Kamloops, BC. (When your nose hairs freeze they feel sticky...) And I went skiing! Tara and I had to warm up our boots under the hand-dryers in the ski lodge to make the plastic flexible enough to put on-- it was so cold outside the plastic was absolutely stiff!

I also spent some time learning games like the Settlers of Catan and Imaginiff, getting a cold, snowshoeing, and reflecting about how much life is going to change in the next six months. First change: leaving the college group very soon. I hope the young married's class is ready for a crazy whippersnapper like me!

As for the dentist... well, let's just say that even after eating lunch I can still taste drill, and that my tooth wasn't really numb yet.

The hygienist lady, Lynn, was super-nice though. She oohed over my engagement ring and coached me to come back once more before I lose my parent's insurance. In the goodie baggie I'm always handed on the way out there was two toothbrushes and three tubes of toothpaste, which is a little more than usual.

Well, I'm off to work out with Raeleen. I haven't technically "worked out" since that one Tae-bo video last summer, so hopefully I won't pass out or anything.

Still at it

I love seeing the look on people's faces when I blandly drop, "Oh yeah, I'm engaged," somewhere in the middle of the conversation. Hehe-- the shock value is way too much fun. Though people really aren't that shocked abou the event, it's just my nonchalant presentation:) I also get to vicariously live the excitement over and over and experience the joy that the people approve of my choice of husband.

Of Physical and Spiritual things

I've got the quarterly shin splints, where my legs are sore because I didn't exercise during break. I put my feet up on top of the heater, but then pull them off speedily when my slippers start to melt. Tomorrow I have to spend a few hours outside in Kingston (field trip!) so I put my new handwarmers in the pile of tomorrow's clothes.

How many of my thoughts go into simply preforming the tasks of living? Clearing out my inbox, making a dentist appointment, when can I fit in grocery shopping, the logistics of driving to Bellevue to taste-test wedding cake... if let loose, I become dangerously task-oriented, to the point that my mind is a checklist. As I read my Bible today I had trouble focusing for this reason.

Making "read four chapters in the Bible" an item on the to-do list helps somewhat, but doesn't improve the quality of my focus. In addition, it puts "read Bible" on the same plane as "vacuum floor," when in reality the spiritual food I gain should fuel everything else I do. I put off reading my Bible because there is no due date, which in my mind makes it less urgent and therefore less important. But after a hiatus of a couple weeks' scant Bible-reading I felt dry, and finally my hunger overcame my guilt.

Tami says that she prays for the desire of the Word. This makes more sense to me now: I can make reading the Bible a task, but then I read it as a textbook--quickly skimming. However, when I come with need and prayer for the awareness of that need, then I truly listen. So as I read today I prayed. Then, my breathing slowed, my shoulders untensed, and instead of brittle crumbs of grammer the words came alive. I stopped thinking about going to the bookstore on the way to class, and started thinking about the mystery of grace.

This past quarter I have been weak and low. In a letter to my friend Michelle from eMi I finally realized what I have learned: that I have no strength. I truly cannot "buck up" and practice self-improvement-- the closest I can come is by tackling the accomplishment of completing items on a list. I have not gained hope, grace, and joy through my own efforts, and my faults are the same as they always were. But all the time God has forgiven me and called me-- I know because even in the darkest times I felt a longing for Him. Most of the time it frustrated me because I did not know how to continue to follow Him. Now I know that I should pray for that longing to increase and lead me to seek God; for which I know he will lend me strength.

"It does not, therefore, depend on man's desire or effort, but on God's mercy."
Romans 9:16 (best taken in context, but applying to what I have said)